A Few Deep Breaths

In this past hectic month, I have taken barely any time to myself, which means the important things haven't gotten done. What little time I did take was to sit in complete stupefication at the television, recovering from overbusyness, an exhausted body and a drained mind.
Yoga was about the only thing I did regularly, and I missed quite a few days of it. Glad at least that vow hasn't been completely broken. Although, healthy eating did go to hell, exercise took a hiatus, intimacy went out the window, and my brain functioned on hyperdrive to produce, react and complete only those things that were necessary to get done. Then I turned to television in the evening, after I swore last month I wasn't going to keep that habit up.  I feel like I let myself down.
Now I am sitting here on a beautiful day, taking in the sunshine on the back porch after a hard hike, again willing myself to eat better, exercise more often and take more time out for writing, reflection and getting the big picture view. Those are the things that make me feel more myself, make me feel more connected to people and the world I live in, and I actually tend to make more things happen because I've thought about it in an unhurried, stressless fashion which means I make less mistakes.
I might have it easy...no kids, a flexible partner and a lazy old dog. While it's understandable that owning your own business can be quite demanding, why can't I make my personal priorities demand more of me? They are just as important, and maybe even more so. A friend said recently just to be okay with it all, but I have to disagree. If I keep being okay with letting myself down, then I will keep doing it with a bigger bag of Cheetos in my lap. Instead I would rather give myself a stern talking to, and hope I take it to heart.
Next month, I am vowing to keep to my promise of no habitual tv watching and taking some time out every day, even just 10 minutes to sit in silence and slow things down a bit to catch my breath. I'd rather end the month with a deep satisfied breath.

Patience

I had a lot of time to think to myself this Labor Day weekend, while Doug was off kayaking and I was hanging with Ms. Gracie Sheds-a-lot Poopypants, German Shepherd Extraordinaire.
I am re-reading Conversations with God, a book where for the first time I ever understood that perhaps we are in a playground and can manifest whatever we desire or dream.
The thing is that we have to be patient and thoughtful about how those dreams manifest.
I was saying to Doug how ironic it is that back in 2003 or so I turned down a lucrative job because I wanted to be in publishing. Had nary an offer or sparkle about how to make a living at it, just thought that was where I needed to be. Followed my heart. Dreamed my dream.
Went on interviews. Got shot down. No hope in sight. Moved onto "the job that pays the bills." Still thought about it though. All the time.
Today, in 2010, Doug and I own a magazine that we publish. I am surrounded by people publishing books. It was a complete surprise when Doug turned to me with an ad for our magazine franchise and said, "What do you think?" At that time, the two of us were thinking, "What are we going to do that excites and energizes us for the next step of our life?"
Isn't that funny? What do I think? "Absolutely, no question, we must do it."
And there, 7 or so years later, after I had the experiences I needed to have to do this, I am living my dream.
So be patient. Never give up dreaming. It might not be now, but it definitely will BE.